Early.

Danny got up at 4 this morning. Not cool, dude. Not cool.

Thanksgiving.

Thankful for a husband who stands in my Mom's kitchen and does dishes as most of us sit around after Thanksgiving dinner.  Thankful for a Mom who cooks dinner rolls for me even though she had decided not to.  Thankful for friends and family who love Sam and play with him for hours even though they only see him a few times a year.

Five.

Sam is five, which is the same age I was when my parents got divorced. His life is being shaped by us every day. I hope I am not screwing him up too much. I am kidding... Kind of.

Exhausted.

It's been 9 days since I posted here.  I'm not doing very well at one a day.  Oh well, I will keep trying.  I am totally and completely exhausted and glad there's no school or work tomorrow for us.  I will relax tonight in a clean house and welcome my best friend & her kids here tomorrow.  Yay for kids distracting each other so we can hang out and relax some more.

November?

I can't believe it is November already. Day to day time doesn't seem to move that fast, bit suddenly I look up and months have gone by.

Foliage.

I am not sure why, but I am immensely enjoying the changing leaves this year. I have never appreciated their beauty or loved driving around just looking at the trees like I am this fall.

Sorry.

I am sorry that I am apparently such a terrible and angry person that you can't even complete a conversation with me.  I am sorry that being around me sucks so much.

Cold.

It's getting to be time for sweaters and slippers. I am craving hot chocolate.

Bunco.

Just got home from monthly Bunco night.  So much fun hanging out with the ladies.  I love talking to Nastya about Ukraine and hearing her stories, and hearing about Kara's new guy and how happy she is.  What a great night.

Mommy.

Sam is in a bigtime mommy phase right now.  He wants me to be with him all the time.

Awake.

After a full day of moving the rest of our stuff, Justin and I could both use a really good nights sleep. Unfortunately, here we are at almost 3 am both feeling ill and restless. Yuck.

Crack down.

I need to crack down on posting here.  I started this blog for a reason, and I really do want to have a daily record of at least one little piece of my life. 

Friends.

Another little boy from Sam's class started catching the bus at the park.  After school today and yesterday, Sam stayed and played at the playground with the other boys.  He's making friends, and I love that he has playmates.  Now I just need to be courageous and introduce myself to all their parents who already know each other...

TiredWeirdSad.

Do you ever have a whole bunch of fun then only sleep for like 3 hours plus those minutes you dozed off on the couch while the kids watched TV and climbed on you, and then you're weirdly sad but mostly it's only because you're tired?  Yeah, that.

Worried.

As parents, we all worry about our kids.  Sometimes, I wish things could just be easy, but them I remember that all of us have hard parts and easy parts.  Would I really want to trade my problems for someone else's?  Still, I look at my boys and I just want to protect them from ever being hurt or having the realization that not everyone is their friend.

Tired.

I don't like getting up at 6 or 6:30 7 days a week.

Sick.

I can barely think because my head is full of congestion instead of thoughts.  Sam brought home all the kids germs last week, and even though he barely got sick over the weekend, I feel like I could sleep for 30 hours straight.  I hope I'm better soon!

News.

My friend starts chemo this week. I have not cried in a while, but I am still thinking about her all the time.  The doctors seem fairly optimistic about treatment. Now it is time to pray.

Boys.

On the playground, I wonder if the boys are playing WITH him, or running away from him and not letting him catch up. He doesn't know the difference, but it hurts MY feelings.

Potty!

Today, Sam finally peed in the potty. He just said he had to go, walked in, and did it. Later, he peed on the floor again. But this is such a huge step. I am so proud.

One Down.

My Mom brought Sam a bouquet of Dahlias at the bus stop to celebrate the first week of school being so successful.  He gave them to me.  I just wonder how late he'll sleep tomorrow!

Grownup.

Yesterday, I walked the halls of an elementary school full of kids, and it felt completely surreal that I have a kid in school.  Today, I sat with the mom of a friend I've known for 20 years, and talked and thought about how I've crossed this barrier from being one of her friends kids to maybe sort of being her friend too.  Growing up is weird.

School.

Sam starts Kindergarten on Monday. How is it even possible that I have a 5 year old kid? He is so awesome.

Note: Turns out it is not so easy to post every day in a house with no internet and  spotty cell reception. Our internet is getting hooked up Monday.

FUCK.

Stage 4. I can't breathe.

Peace.

I can't relax surrounded by all these boxes and mess. It jumbled my mind. I can't wait to be in the new house, relax, then come back later to finish.

Packing.

Oh my God.  I hate packing.  I hate packing SO much.  How is it possible that there are so many boxes already packed, and so much STUFF still left?!

Women.

A few hours with friends can be so nourishing to the soul.  When I'm stressed or feeling lonely, spending time with the women in my life who support me and get me makes such a world of difference.

Exhausted.

Sometimes, it seems REALLY far from the couch you fell asleep on to upstairs where bed is.

Racing.

My mind won't stop racing. Between the kids, my marriage, worrying about my friend, and trying to comprehend packing somehow and moving this weekend, I feel a little crazy. One thought isn't just one, because they're moving so fast. I hope I can sleep tonight.

House.

Harold came by today. I know he is sad we're moving out. There are things I will miss about this house, but the main one is knowing that he liked seeing the kids play & grow here. I wish that there was an easier way for him to live here again himself.

Cancer.

My friend has cancer. We are waiting to find out if it's stage 3 or 4. I can't stop thinking about her.

update: It's not in her bones. Thank God. Now, more scans to check some spots in lungs & liver. This endless thought continues in prayer.

Scream.

Every fiber of my body is screaming for a few hours without being touched, climbed on, poked or hugged. I need to not be needed for a while.

Moving.

Signed the lease on our new house this morning. I feel overwhelmed with the packing. I hate packing. I want to move the big stuff next weekend. Can we do it?